Depression is the leading cause of death in the U.S. Mentally a person can be very distraught and unhappy and smile like nothing is wrong.
Sounds familiar? Sounds like someone you know? Is it you? Well, what I am about to tell you is the real, uncut and raw me.
I have suffered with depression for several years. It is not something I talk about often because like others, I do not want anyone putting pity on me.
Now, I know the question you are thinking, “How is it that she can be depressed and have many friends or many followers on IG?”.
Well the answer is, no matter how many people you have in your corner and surrounded by you are still able to be depressed.
My depression started when I was in middle school, where as some may know, I felt ugly. Around that time, social media outlets like Myspace and Bebo was the go to site. So looking at others, it made me think something was wrong with me. It made me feel ugly when I looked in the mirror.
Then it happened. One day I was surrounded by thoughts of what would life be like without me?, will anyone miss me?, and why am I here?
I started to battle my demons by listening to music and surrounding myself with others but it didn’t work. I still felt alone. I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts. I tried to keep pushing with school and be happy and smile and play around but it didn’t help.
Many of my close friends seen the happier me and not the sad depressed me.
For some of my friends reading this, it is the first time they are hearing this from me.
I never told anyone. I would say I am fine then go to bed crying.
The worst thing is to tell someone that you are down and you have ABSOLUTELY NO REASON as to why, and they say something like, “not this again”, “what’s wrong with you now?” (with an attitude), and the WORST OF THEM ALL “stop being down, let me know when you are okay”.
The worst feeling to to say how u truly feel and it gets ignored. It pushes you deeper into it. Some people do not come back from it.
For years I tried EVERYTHING known to man to fight it. Finally, I did. I started writing my thoughts in a journal and then the tattoos came along.
Tattoos represent something. A few years ago I got a semi-colon butterfly. It represents the strength and the will power for someone to keep moving on and being positive and never giving up.
Til this day I am still fighting the thoughts in my head. NO I AM NOT CRAZY. Depression is something that I am going through and I am learning to live with it. I will not let the thoughts bring me down. I am starting to use those thoughts, to bring positivity and light to my situation.
If you are struggling with depression and need an ear to listen, book some time with me. If it is an emergency, feel free to email me at email@example.com
Be Beautiful, Stay Positive, Keep Growing.